Sue Ellen

Dear Sue Ellen

I just had a baby girl and we are staying with my sister because my boyfriend went to prison last month.  When he get out he will want to see his baby and I ain’t going to stop him.  My sister don’t like him and says she is going to kick us out when he comes around.  She says he is mean.  He get mad at me sometimes but it’s my fault.  He would never hurt his baby.  Me and my baby got nowhere else to go.  We need help.

Mommie Love

Dear Mommie Love,

Yes indeed, you need help.  There is a lot I don’t know about your situation, but there is also a lot I understand.  You are in a toxic lifestyle that may be filled with abuse and neglect.   Is that how you want to raise your daughter?  I can see two things from your message.  Number one:  your boyfriend is an abuser.  Number two:  you use poor grammar.  Let’s go back to number one.  You are choosing to put yourself and your baby in harm’s way.  Your cycle of abuse is predictable.  Let me guess.  Before he went to prison (for who knows what) he gets mad, hurts you and blames you for it.  Then he is very sorry and tells you he will do better.  He’s sweet and nice to you while convincing you that if you were just a better person he wouldn’t get so mad.  Listen to me!  Your baby could be taken away from you and raised in foster care if you don’t provide a safe home for her.  You need a plan.

Let’s go back to number two.  Using relatively proper English and presenting yourself in a positive way is critical when you are looking for a job.  There are charities in every community that will help you start over.  Are you willing?  You have some serious choices to make.  You can keep going like you are and end up beat down and possibly killed, or you can get on your feet and make a life for you and your daughter.  It won’t be easy.  I have spoken to many women that have chosen a path like yours and they all regretted it.  Here’s what you can expect from your current lifestyle.  You will remain in poverty, and will be dependent on others, namely your abusive boyfriend, or someone like him.  Your daughter will grow up to be a victim or an abuser.  You will always have drama and stress in your life. You can do better than this.

Please email your parenting questions to sejackson@awarecentraltexas.org and put “Parent’s Corner” in the Subject line.