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Choose Liberty this Year

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Aya Fubara Eneli

    Aya Fubara Eneli

Aya Fubara Eneli

She hit the snooze button again and put the pillow over her head. Somewhere in the fog of her mind she knew she was setting herself up to be late for work … again. She knew she should just get up and get going, but for the life of her, she just couldn’t in that moment muster the energy to do anything but lie there hating her life and feeling guilty about hating her life. She wanted answers. She wanted to be free of her burdens, but she was too proud and too scared to seek it out.
My work as a Life Coach and speaker over the past 10 years has enabled me to work intimately with many women from all backgrounds. Although, it is starting to change a bit, I have observed that many of us are dealing with symptoms and ailments that can be directly tied to our emotional, physical and mental health, but we are reluctant to seek out or try certain remedies due to the stigma attached to it.
Recently, I spoke with a woman who even to my non-clinically trained ears had all the signs of post-partum depression. I suggested she discuss her symptoms with her physician and she immediately balked. She explained that women have been having babies for centuries without incident and she was not interested in being told there was anything wrong with her or being put on medication. She was convinced that with willpower and prayer she could shake off the despair. As we talked more, it was clear she knew she needed help, but it was equally clear that the perceived stigma attached to seeking help (in her world) was more than she thought she could bear. Her last words to me on the matter were, “What would my husband say? I am not damaged goods.”
I have spoken with parents who seek me out because they want a magic wand to wave to help their child become the ideal child they envision. When I suggest a counselor based on what they’ve shared, they promptly reject the recommendation. “She’s just going through a phase. She will grow out of it.” That may indeed be true, but what if it isn’t? And what if that child harms herself or someone else in the meantime?
I have worked with many women who experience great frustration at their inability to follow through despite how intelligent and hardworking they are. They complain of losing focus, inability to concentrate, jumping from one project to another without ever completing anything and so on. In quite a few instances, I have had them go through the checklist of Adult ADD and ADHD. And even when they can clearly see that they have most of the symptoms and their symptoms have persisted for as long as they can remember, they still doggedly refuse to seek medical assistance.
By the way, many of us do the same thing with many other aspects of our lives like our relationships, our finances, parenting, etc. We seem to have bought into the notion that to seek help or assistance is to admit weakness, is to admit that we are less than capable, is to admit our lives are out of control. So rather than actively seek the help we need, we would rather suffer in relative silence. That suffering comes at a great price not just to ourselves, but also to those around us.
The whole notion that strong people don’t need help is crushing far too many people and robbing humankind of their full genius and capabilities. The stigma attached to seeking and receiving help to deal with emotional trauma, psychological issues and chemical and hormonal imbalances needs to be eviscerated. The most successful people in the world know for a fact that their success was accelerated by having wise counselors and relying on the strengths of others where they were weak.
As you plan your year, please take the time to notice where you are struggling or weak and ask for the help you need. Get your yearly physical and find how to improve your health. Seek out a financial adviser and stop trying to do it alone. Go for counseling or seek a life coach if you have persistent issues that are impairing your quality of life. Go to a marriage retreat instead of just hoping your marital issues will work themselves out. Free your child to speak with a professional who may help them find their way. Let 2017 be the year we pursue our liberty in every sense of the word.
Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Attorney. Join Aya for a unique 90 Days to Your Abundant Life online program for women. Registration deadline is February 16, 2017. For more information, e-mail her at


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