Sue Ellen

Dear Sue Ellen

My husband passed away last year and I am left alone to raise our son.  My son acts like he wishes I were the one that died and not his dad.  How am I going to teach him to become a man?  I am in over my head with this situation.

T.W.

Dear T.W

There is hope for you and your son.  You are both probably still grieving your loss and that is a long journey.  It will take your emotions all over the map.  I have learned from grief counselors to go ahead and experience it; don’t suppress it.  Grieving is personal.   No two people experience grief in the same way.  Please consider going to a grief support group.  It would probably also benefit you and your son to speak to a therapist or counselor to learn about the stages of grief.  This may help you understand what your son is going through.  Everybody has an opinion about what you should be doing right now, but they aren’t walking in your shoes.  Try to have a sense of humor.  I’ve heard people a lot smarter than me say don’t make any major life changes the first year after the loss of a loved one.  That’s probably good advice.

I am not trying to freak you out, but now that you are a single mom, please take caution. There are people out there that seek vulnerable women and their children to take advantage of them.  Surround yourself with people you trust.  Never assume your son is safe with someone because they are nice.  Empower your son to recognize bad behaviors from adults.  Teach him to tell you if he feels threatened.  Sexual predators will endear themselves and appear harmless to gain the trust of parents so they can get to their children and molest them.  If your son is involved in sports, church activities, scouting or other community activities, never (yes, I mean NEVER) let him be alone with an adult.  Make sure other kids and adults are around.

Please don’t waste your sorrow.  The dark times in our lives can cause us to become better people with more compassion, wisdom and insight than we’ve ever had before.  It can also define your relationship with your son as one of love and strength.  When you finally reach a place where you can enjoy life again, I hope you will be able to look back on this time and see that it was a gift.  Have faith.

Please email your parenting questions to sejackson@awarecentraltexas.org and put “Parent’s Corner” in the Subject line.